I’ve noticed that I’m slowing down. I’m consciously walking slower, I drive a little slower, pausing before responding and choosing not to have an opinion if I don’t need one. Which is far too often I’ve noticed. I’m paying more attention to the little things.
I am no longer concerned about my career, reputation, ambition, or success. My colleagues, clients, friends and family are all ‘so busy.’ Indeed, ‘busyness’ had also been my story for many years. I’m now at the point where I can finally let go of that tired and unhelpful story.
The frantic nature of life has, for many of us it seems, become a cultural myth that we feel we have to live up to. ‘If you’re not busy, you’re not productive.’ Bah ha ha. What a lie. A grand illusion. Ultimately, we are all responsible for our lives and how we structure and live them.
It’s taken me some time to understand that I instantly have more simply by wanting a lot less in my life. I am weary of the ruthless game our economic and political systems strongly encourages us to play. The egoic game of our eyes – where we want more, we pretend everything is great, feeling we must look good in the eyes of others, believing that external things will make us happy or validate us – be it people, jobs, children, pets, a new car, bigger house, more superannuation, greater security – blah blah.
That game of the eyes will never end. It can’t afford to. Capitalism and our Politics depend on it. The result is we horde, we blame, argue, criticise, resent, anger, fear, worry, ad nauseam.
I honestly feel that I’m ready to tap out. I’m done with this destructive game. It’s over. It’s been fun, it’s been painful, it’s been exhilarating, and it’s been soul-destroying. What else did I expect? To win? Whatever that even means. Ultimately, the system cannot allow people to win. That’s the whole point. It’s a sad realisation, and it’s also bloody funny, because I totally fell for it.
The truth was always hidden in plain sight, but I could not see it. And alcohol just made seeing that much harder.
I’m now working at living by three simple words: Silence, Simplicity and Service.
I intentionally find a little silence every day. No noise, no people, no distraction.
I now want less, so the family and I can live a simpler, less crowded and busy life. I’ve started praying again. Simple prayers to all things – for trees, people, peace, the planet, and the entire cosmos. Prayers for wisdom.
And finally, service to my clients and colleagues, my kids, my partner, my dog, my garden, to strangers. To be present in as many ordinary moments as possible. To slow down and not play the game any longer.
Let’s see how I go.