I’m finally getting back into my daily meditation. (I use Calm) It’s taken a long time to return to what was once a common practice. I’m enjoying it.
Today’s theme was communication at work. As you can see, they used the famous Rumi quote. I’ve read these wise ole words many times over the years and you know what…they still ring true. May we all pay attention to the words and thoughts that tumble from our mouths today.
Finally, at age fifty five, I’m comfortable in managing, responding, reframing or outright ignoring my weary worries.
‘Worry’ and ‘anxiety’ has resulted in enough wasted moments over the years. I honestly can’t be bothered anymore. It’s such a refreshing and delightful place to be. It’s just taken an awful long time to get here.
The younger ‘me’ could never have lived without worry, and nor did he. The poor bugger. If I could go back and give him a hug I would. Instead, I think I’ll give my dog a big hug instead. He sometimes looks like I did back in my 30’s and 40’s, the weary hound. Woof woof.
I have not practiced regular ‘mindfulness’ activities for some time now – two or so years I suspect. In fact, I think I stopped my daily practice around the time I started drinking – so yes, just over two years ago. Another gift of alcohol!
I feel I am finally ready to return to listening to my 10min of Daily Calm as often as possible.
May today surprise me and may I surprise today in my willingness to be flexible to whatever arises, be it rain, sun or anger.
How much time and energy has worry thieved from me over the years? How much of my life have I willingly handed over to worry, thinking that doing so would somehow make life’s circumstances more palatable.
Strange the tactics I have used to manage what is so often, unmanageable. Yet at the time it seemed to make so much sense. I think we are all doing our best in each and every moment. We don’t mean to bring harm to ourselves or others. This is where truly accepting and forgiving ourselves kicks in. We’re people, not Gods. And that is a comforting realisation. It releases the pressure of human existence and expands the opportunity for joy, for meaning, for blissful laughter and grace. Because it’s all an act of Grace.
Always stick to what makes you weird, odd, strange, different. That’s your source of power.”
Bravo Michael and Robert.
I reckon we who have struggled with alcohol have an element of the odd and weird about us. By simply uttering the words ‘I don’t drink’ makes us odd in some peoples eyes. However I’m convinced that it’s our stories, our trials, our weirdness and falls from grace, that are far more cause for celebration than fault.
Has alcohol caused me much grief over the years? Absolutely. However, it was also the catalyst for sobriety, which continues to allow me to be who I am today. Do I still make mistakes? Get angry? Have horrible thoughts from time to time? You betcha. It seems that’s simply the price of admission to being alive, but sobriety helps us to respond a little better each and every day. Thankfully, we recovering booze hounds now bring far more joy, purpose and meaning to the world than harm. At least that’s my ongoing experience.
Furthermore, I will continue to appreciate what I already have in my life and consciously put some time aside to pause, reflect and share a cuppa with my higher power. Enough with the busyness of human life.
My sons and I watched our footy team play a draw last night. The first draw Fremantle have experienced since 2013. This morning I was suddenly reminded of that drawn night, some nine long years ago. That messy night was the last time I drank – having gotten terribly drunk squealing at the tv in excitement and practically passing out before dinner with family and friends. The following week I attended my first real AA meeting. Too funny.
I went seven years sober until the pandemic threw a curveball – a loss of most of my work which led to rather unstable thinking. During that bleak time I happened upon a podcast about addiction, and the speaker was saying people change, and just because you drank once, doesn’t mean you will again following a long period of sobriety. In my confused state, I thought ‘yeah, good point.’
So began four absurd months of experimental drinking. The first two months were great. The last two months were horrendous. By the end, I had plunged back into daily drinking, hangovers, hiding vodka about the house, lying to my partner, kids and of course – to myself.
Thankfully I ended that hiccup of a time over 18 months ago. I stopped the week before Xmas 2020. If others can drink after a long absence, then good luck to them. It certainly didn’t work for me. Give me sobriety any time.