The illusion of connection

I have just returned from a work event in Hawaii, which also coincided with my partners 50th. I have never travelled there previously and I found it to be a land of contrasts. Extreme wealth, tourism and militarism mixed with homelessness and mental health issues.

The island is lovely, yet artificial in many ways. A history of US colonialism and military dominance. Colonialism is everywhere and continues with Israel today.

Anyway, that’s another story. What intrigued me was how prevalent alcohol was at the conference. Welcome night, every afternoon we had drinks, the conference dinner and then the farewell. I did succumb to a few cocktails. I felt awful the next day.

One can rationalise my behaviour in any way one wants. All I know is that I picked up a drink. It was a mistake. I own it. No one else made me do it.

I’ve been re-reading the Russel Brand book ‘Recovery’. Ironically, I read it all the flight home. It’s an excellent book. I had forgotten just how good.

So I start again. One day at a time.

I’m thinking of returning to AA. Russell mentions that AA quote – ‘the opposite of addiction is connection.’ Be it connection with ourselves, with our kids, partners, friends or strangers at a conference. We are all trying to connect and live with a level of authenticity. Alcohol actually creates artificial connection and authenticity, but we take it to be true. And so we drink/eat/gamble/shop/watch porn/work endlessly – whatever we become dependent on, in an effort to connect to our true selves. Of course, our addictions will never allow us to truly connect.

We are a fascinating species.

Onward ho.

Boozebrain

Cravings

Enjoy the simple things

Last night was my partners 50th. We didn’t do much, as the party is on Saturday, and yet I had a drink. Just a small one, but a drink none the less. I hadn’t even felt like one till 10 minutes prior. Needless to say, I didn’t let my partner know. It would likely stress her out.

Where do these absurd cravings come from? Seemingly from nowhere- wham – and I’m drinking. Whaaaat!

Historically, for me, alcohol simply created an appetite for more alcohol. My brain/body would get upset when I didn’t feed it, and then would feel relieved when I did pick up a drink. That feeling of ‘relief’ is one the great illusions of alcohol. At least for me.

Thankfully it all passed quickly. If nothing else, it makes me more tolerant of others. More compassionate. More open to the flaws and stumbling stones we all possess.

I tell ya, one never stops learning. No matter how many lessons life teaches me, I always have so much more to learn. Phew. Back to one day at a time.

Boozebrain